I've started this post abut 5 times now!
I didn't know whether this was something i wanted to share or not,
this is exactly the kind of post i love reading so,
I have never been happy with my weight.
For as long as i can remember i've been a yoyo dieter.
The other thing i hate,
in all honesty,
is that society makes me feel this way.
I hate that the reason i am like this
is because i want people to look at me and not judge me for my size.
that is a whole other post!!
[i'll bet you're looking forward to that rant]
Last year i hit rock bottom.
I think i was the heaviest i've ever been.
I avoided mirrors,
i avoided going out.
I gave up on everything.
I am a crisp addict.
I eat crisps like smokers smoke.
And if i don't get crisps,
i sweat, and panic, until i get my crisps.
If you think i'm exaggerating,
then you don't understand.
I was miserable.
The last straw was when i went go karting
for a friend's birthday.
The guys who ran it made me sit in a kart,
with everyone watching,
before accepting any money from me and giving me a helmet...
to make sure i fit into it.
I know it sounds like nothing,
but i promise you, it was humiliating.
I walked out and cried for the whole rest of the day.
I was mortified.
The following day i decided to make a change.
I stopped binge eating.
I stopped eating from boredom.
I was unhappy so i ate to make myself feel better,
which made me feel worse,
so i ate more.
You know the story.
I made a change and stopped the cycle.
I didn't do any crazy diet,
This was my plan...
i got up and worked out,
i ate a bowl of cereal.
I ate my dinner which was ryvitas with cream cheese.
The next time i ate was tea time.
Lots of veggies, meat, pasta etc.
Healthy, good food.
I ended up losing 10 kilos in 2 months.
Then i went home for christmas...
I stopped working out and i ate shit again!
From Dec - June i worked out occasionally,
but ate like i used to.
Crisps were back in my life.
I gained about 2 kilos.
From June - August i got really ill,
and physically couldn't work out.
So it got worse.
I didn't put weight on though,
which was a blessing.
During the time i was in the UK i was invited to a wedding.
It's a really special wedding,
the girl getting married is part of a family i count as my second family.
What makes it even more special...
she's getting married in the chapel in the tower of london.
Yep, her dad's a beefeater.
The thought of attending this wedding,
looking like i do now,
in front of all those guests
made me break out into a sweat.
I wanted to look back at this wedding and be happy to see myself in the pictures.
So, decision made, back on healthy eating.
I have been working out every morning,
and power walking every night,
for the past two and a half weeks.
I've lost 4 kilos so far.
It's been such a boost.
Again, all i am doing is exercise and eating healthy.
I've found a dress on the zara website that i want to wear so i have a goal.
I know it's going to take time,
but i'm going to keep going until i feel comfortable in myself.
Weight doesn't matter,
it's how i feel.
I've been feeling discouraged,
but after taking this morning's progress picture
i feel a little more excited.
The wedding is the last weekend in October.
I am taking it one day at a time,
and i know i can do this.
The story behind the denim shirt....
when i bought it, it hung really nicely on me.
I want to get back to that feeling,
i'm getting there,
Also...maybe...i think it's time for the ombre to go!
Thanks for reading guys :)